“Regarding Human Relationships”
The previous section ended with the following words: “And whatever you do, in word or
deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the
Father through him” (v. 17). We have examined in the last few weeks some
aspects of how this command applies to our life in the church. Now we move to
more universal or mundane human relationship--namely, those of husbands and
wives, parents and children and masters and slaves.
As we
consider these relationships, let us begin by asking a fundamental question:
why does God care about these human relationships? Why does His command not
stop with “You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of
your soul and with all of your soul and with all your
mind and with all your strength” (Mark
This shows,
first of all, that God’s sovereign lordship extends to every aspect of our
life. Our God is the Creator of all things: He, who created me, is also the
One, who created each of you and all that surround us. And when He created all
things, He not only brought all things into existence out of nothing but also
placed them in their proper place and relation to everything else. Just think
about man and the universe in which he lives. Think about the complexity and
the delicacy of that relationship as modern sciences discover the intricacies
of our ecosystem, the interdependence of all creatures. The order and the
beauty and the intricacies of it all show the very character of God as well as
His design for His creation. Because our God is sovereign over all men and all
things, our relationship with Him cannot be confined to our personal
relationship with Him, per se. We cannot be right with God when we are out of
order in His kingdom. And as man is the capstone of God’s creation, human
relationships are of chief concern to our God. So then, we cannot boast of our
relationship with God as being good when our relationship with other men is out
of order. So John says in 1 John
But the God
of the Bible does not just insist on His authority for our obedience although
that should be enough. Just think about why God chose to make man in the first
place. Surely, the saying that “necessity is the mother of invention” may apply
to man but not to God, to the all-sufficient, self-existing God! So then, God
did not make us because of any need or lack that had to be filled in Him; it
was rather because of His overflowing abundance. You see, God is a happy God,
as John Piper put it. He desired to share with man His abounding joy and
happiness as the infinite, perfect God! So abundant, so satisfying was His
happiness and joy that He wanted man to have a taste of them and enjoy them! You
can understand this, can’t you? When you travel to a place and see something
beautiful, don’t you wish that someone special were there to share it with you?
God, being so happy in Himself, desired that man
should experience and enjoy His happiness and joy.
Do you know
what this means? If commands us to love Him with all of our being, it is because
loving Him brings to us the utmost joy and happiness, the greatest possible
satisfaction and fulfillment; only He has, and is, all that we need for true
happiness and joy! After all, what things of this perishable world, which
finite being, can bring the kind of joy and satisfaction that our infinite and
eternal God can offer? Then why does He call Himself a jealous God? Surely, His
jealousy does not stem from some kind of lack or insecurity in Himself; rather,
His jealousy stems from His rightful claim to our undivided allegiance and
wholehearted devotion as the sovereign Lord and as the absolute Good. His
jealousy is like the jealousy of the husband or the wife for the spouse’s love
and loyalty--except that God’s jealousy is infinitely more justified because of
His supreme worth and His right as our Creator and Redeemer. So then, as John
Piper put it, God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him!
Then why
does He command us to love one another? Doesn’t this take away from our love
and devotion to Him? Not so when we remember that our relationship with others
is an indispensable part of our relationship with the Lord of all, an
indispensable aspect of demonstrating our love for the sovereign Lord of all
things. In fact, human relationships are designed by God to reflect some
aspects of our relationship with Him, as we shall presently see. Having made
us, He knows that we are weak: we are of the flesh, though He placed eternity
in our hearts (Eccl.
With that
in mind, let us look at the specific commands in our passage. As we do, we make
a couple of initial observations:
·
There
are three sets of commands dealing with three different types of human
relationships: wives and husbands; children and fathers; the slaves and masters--all
seemingly within the household. For in the ancient world, the master-slave
relationship was prominent within the household, though not limited to it.
·
Each
party is given a different role from its counterpart in each respective pair. More
specifically, the three pairs of relationships all have a vertical, or
hierarchical, structure. This is obvious when we consider the commands given to
wives, children and slaves, which call them to either submit or obey. That Paul
had this hierarchical structure in mind is reinforced by the way he
consistently addresses the subordinate parties first in each pair.
To the modern, egalitarian mindset, these commands may seem ancient and even offensive. But something much deeper than the egalitarian mindset is involved here, of course. The real cause of the revulsion to God’s command is none other than sin. For it is sin, which brought about the demise of the proper order of human relationships, which God ordained at the time of creation. Eve before the Fall would not have found the command to submit to her husband offensive at all. In John Milton’s Paradise Lost we find Eve saying to Adam, “My Author and Disposer, what thou bidst / Unargu'd I obey; so God ordains, / God is thy Law, thou mine: to know no more / Is womans happiest knowledge and her praise” (Book IV, 634-638). Imagine a modern woman saying this! Why has it become so difficult for women to obey their husbands? Because with Adam all the sons of Adam have fallen as well. God is no longer their Law. Their Law has become their selfish desires. Immersed in their self-centered pursuits they are too busy to lead. If they do lead, they do so by force rather than by love and patience. But the wives’ ultimate difficulty with submitting to their husbands lies in themselves as much as in their husbands’ failures. Sin has made all the descendants of Adam sinful--not just the sons of Adam but also the daughters of Eve have become selfish and proud. As the sons of Adam have failed to lead, the daughters of Eve have refused to submit. As the sons of Adam have tried to rule over their wives rather than lead, the daughters of Eve have tried to usurp their husbands’ leadership. Why? All because of their sin-induced selfishness and pride. The proper order of human relationships, which God designed for our happiness and joy, has been broken, distorted and placed upside-down by our sinful pride and selfishness.
But was the
original order of human relationships worth restoring? Wasn’t it terribly
unfair and demeaning to the subordinate parties? I hope that what we have
spoken of God and His goodness would quell such questions. But we should
clarify that the idea of submission and obedience does not automatically suggest
inferiority. Even in our modern, enlightened and egalitarian society we see
hierarchy everywhere, especially at the workplace. But hierarchy is also seen
in the home as well: very few would reject the idea that a certain hierarchy
exists between parents and children and the necessity of it. Although obvious
hierarchies exist in these institutions, they are not automatically accused of
oppressing the subordinates and denying the equality of all men. There is room
for functional hierarchy even in the land of equality among all men. So we
would distinguish between the ontological equality among all men in their
individual value as a human being made in the image of God and the functional
hierarchy among men. The two should be distinguished but they are not mutually
exclusive. Ontological equality and functional hierarchy can coexist
side by side, as they do in the Triune God--although the three Persons of the
Trinity are equal in power and glory, the Son submits to the Father and the
Spirit glorifies the Son.
And that is
precisely what we observe in Paul’s commands. Although obvious hierarchies are
described and prescribed, these commands do not deny or disparage the worth of anyone
addressed. Think about the original setting in which this letter was read to
the Colossians, especially this portion. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is
fitting in the Lord.” Paul had been giving a string of commands and now the
wives are specifically addressed. That might have seemed only natural. C.F.D. Moule said in his commentary, “Even Judaism, it has been
said, like all the ancient religions, had assumed that all the rights are on
one side and the duties on the other” (The Cambridge Greek Testament
Commentary, p. 127). But what happened after the wives heard Paul’s command
concerning their wifely duty? Paul went on to address the husbands as well!
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them!” Paul’s commands
were not one-sided, unfair, discriminatory dictates against the weaker and
subordinate. In a very real and powerful sense, before the commands of God,
both the wives and the husbands were placed on equal footing: as the wives were
accountable to God, so were the husbands! They were both standing before God,
with their hands folded together and their heads bowed down in humility. The
husbands were not standing around and watching their wives receive God’s
command; they too were standing before God. So then, whatever leadership role
the husbands had to play, it was not on account of their superiority over their
wives, or the wives’ inferiority to their husbands; rather, it was on account
of God’s sovereign design. Ultimately it was not about them; it was about God
and His infinite wisdom!
The same
was true of the parents-children as well as the master-slave relationships!
Whatever hierarchy was prescribed in these relationships, it was not about
their value as human beings but about their respective functions and roles. Imagine
the children listening to the apostolic command concerning them and then
watching their fathers, too, receiving their command from the Apostle, just as
they did just a moment ago! And imagine the same thing happening with the
slaves and their masters! For sure, they were given different roles and duties.
But they all stood before the word of God and they all received their
instructions one group after another! No one was exempted from this! What a
powerful picture their equality before God! In such a setting, those who were
in the leadership were humbled to think not just their rights and privileges
but also their duties to their subordinates. In the same way, the subordinates
were not only reminded of their duties to their leaders but also of their
rights (and privileges) to be loved, not to be provoked and to be treated
justly and fairly. This is not to say that we refuse to do our share unless, and
until, the other parties do theirs. And we are to obey these commands because
God has commanded them, not because others have done their share first. His
command does not say that husbands have to love their wives before the wives
submit to them, or vice versa! We are accountable to God only for what He has
commanded us.
But Paul’s
commands are much more than just the restoration of the original order of
things. God’s intention could not have been a mere restoration of the pre-fall
condition. It was liable to fall and did indeed fall. Restoring could only
start an endless repetition of fall and restoration. What we observe in the
Bible is something quite different. Of these commands C.F.D. Moule says, “[T]he greatest distinctiveness of the
Christian ethical teaching lies not in its contents so much as its motives, its
quality and its conditions: evn Cristw/| [in Christ] is the
new factor” (pp. 127-128). So the wives are told to submit to their husbands as
is fitting “in the Lord”; the children are told to obey their parents in
everything, for it pleases the Lord; and the slaves are told to obey their
earthly masters “not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with
sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.”
This
crucial phrase, “in Christ”, refers to a new order of human relationships,
which far transcends the original order of things. Who are the wives and
husbands and children and parents and slaves and masters addressed in these
commands? They are those who have been raised with Christ, who seek the things
that are above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God, because they
belong to heaven. Because they now possess the resurrection life of Jesus
Christ--something far better than Adam’s life before the Fall.
The ultimate context of their relationships, our relationships, is heaven,
which has already come in the death and resurrection of Christ, though not yet
fully realized. Because we live in this era of the already and the not yet, the
wives still have to submit to their husbands and the children obey their
parents and the slaves obey their masters although “in Christ” “[t]here is
neither Jew nor Greek…, neither slave nor free…, neither male nor female, for
[we] are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). Until that glorious reality is
fully realized in heaven, we are to fulfill our respective roles and duties to
one another in Christ.
Should we look
upon our present duties and roles with disdain and contempt because they are
not how it will be in heaven? Paul would exclaim, “No, may it never be!” For the
roles and responsibilities we must carry out are “in Christ”, “in the Lord”! The
sovereign and absolute authority of our Creator God should be more than enough
to compel us to full obedience. But now we are “in Christ” and we are to do all
things in the name of Jesus Christ! What is communicated by this phrase, “in
Christ”? There we see the most glorious triumph of God’s grace toward us
sinners. Now, God’s sovereign authority alone is sufficient to oblige our full
and complete obedience to Him. But now something even greater is added to God’s
divine authority--His amazing grace in Christ! Think about this: can the threat
of any law make us do what mothers do for their children, what lovers do for
each other, out of love? When Mary poured out the costly perfume on Jesus’ feet
to everybody’s shock (because it was so expensive), was she compelled by the
law or by love? God has poured out upon us His amazing grace in Jesus Christ!
But how is God’s grace shown in Christ?
In this
regard, let us observe something quite peculiar about these commands: not all
commands have as their rationale the idea of “in Christ” or “in the Lord”; only
the commands addressed to the subordinates do! Wives are called to submit to
their husbands because it is fitting in the Lord. But husbands are
simply told to love their wives and not be harsh with them. Children are to
obey their parents in everything because that pleases the Lord. But
Fathers are simply told not to provoke their children lest they become
discouraged. In the same way, slaves are to obey their masters as unto the
Lord. But masters are simply told to treat their slaves justly and fairly,
remembering that they also have a Master in heaven. This is not to say that the
ethics of those in leadership positions have nothing to do with Christ. These
commands follow Paul’s injunction in v. 17: “And whatever you do, in word or
deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus….” This is what Paul assumes
and presupposes in these commands.
So then,
what seems to be going on in these commands is this: it is not so much that
Christ is absent in the commands addressed to the leaders but that Christ is
doubly emphasized in the commands addressed to the subordinates. Paul’s reason
seems quite obvious: Paul is laying an emphasis on, and bringing to the fore,
the humility of Jesus Christ. By associating the idea of “in Christ” only with
the subordinates, Paul is highlighting the humility of Christ. It is as though
Christ were especially identified with the humble and the low! You can readily
see why. What is the most difficult thing to do for the sinner, who is proud
and arrogant? To obey and to submit to others. An
extra measure of grace is needed for the sinner to submit. And Christ draws
near to wives, children and slaves in a special way with what they need most
desperately. What is the true cure, the only antidote, for sin, which makes us
proud and arrogant? It is none other than the humility of Jesus Christ, the
most amazing condescension of the eternal Son of God. The Prince of glory came
into this world as the suffering Servant of the Lord--nay, as the humblest
Servant of all! The Lord of hosts, at whose command all the angelic hosts in
heaven tremble and obey, knelt down before men His creatures to wash their
feet! The Giver of life hung on the cross, dying, for the sins of His people! Thus
He obeyed His Father to the point of death, even death on a cross. Thus He
subjected Himself to the mockery and cruelty of men, which He did not deserve
at all. Instead, He deserved our praise and adoration and love! Why? Because we
sinners in our pride and arrogance exalted ourselves above God and His law,
above others and their God-ordained authority of us! For every act of
disobedience, for every thought of contempt we have against our husbands,
parents and masters, Christ died, paying for our sins with His ultimate
humility.
This Christ
draws near to wives, children and slaves with His absolute and voluntary
self-humiliation for our redemption. When we stand at the foot of the cross,
when we see what Christ endured for our sins voluntarily, do we not feel the
burden of our “unfair disadvantage” roll off our back? In the light of what He
willingly went through for us, our burden can only appear light, if not a
privilege! And we understand why Paul’s language is so absolute and
all-encompassing--those who are subordinate are called to obey in everything!
This is the only way to honor the full extent of Christ’s absolute obedience
and humility for our salvation! And in doing so, Paul is not calling us to a
mindless, blind obedience, is He? As our obedience to human authorities is
ultimately in obedience to Christ, our obedience to any man cannot go outside
of what is worthy of the name and honor of Christ. But by telling us to obey in
everything, the Lord is reminding us that we are to obey only when we agree but
even when we disagree, especially in the matters of adiaphora--the
matters of not right and wrong but of preferences.
Of course,
those in the leadership positions must remember that they too were saved by
Christ’s obedience and humility. Therefore, they cannot lord it over those who
are under their care. They must love and care for their subordinates as Christ
loved them through self-giving sacrifice. This is not an option. This is not a
recommendation. Those who are in leadership positions are called to imitate
Christ in His self-giving love, His humility, His servant leadership.
This is not
easy, is it? If we take these commands seriously, we would writhe under the
weight of their demands. Though we are born again, we still live in the flesh
in the fallen world. It is not easy to deal with husbands, parents and masters
who are not always easy to respect. It is not easy to love wives, children and
slaves (employees) when they do not act so lovable and appreciable. But that is
precisely why we must let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, why we must
remember who we are in Christ, what He has done for us! Look how far He was
willing to go, how much He was willing to do for you, because He wanted you to
share in His life and joy! He did not just sit in His happy throne and told us
to come. When we fell in sin into the depths of hell, He was willing to come
down to the very depths of hell and pay for our sins and lift us up to the
heights of heaven! Why? Because His great desire was so intense that we should
share in His happiness. Though He was rich beyond all measure He became poor so
that through His poverty we might enjoy His richness (2 Cor.
8:9).
Do you
realize that you have been filled with the abundant riches of Christ? It is out
of this abundance that we are called to obey His commandments so that we may
experience and enjoy His abounding joy and happiness. In C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters, Screwtape,
a devil, speaks of the difference between the devils and God in this way: “We
[that is, the devils] want cattle who can finally
become food; He [that is, God] wants servants who can finally become sons. We
want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would
be filled; He is full and flows over” (p. 39). It is because such a
generous God is the Creator and Lord of this world, it is better to give than
to receive. Because we have been filled with the riches of Christ, we can now
give most generously in conformity to Christ--those who are in subordinate
positions, by submitting and obeying gladly and willingly; those in leadership
positions, by loving sacrificially, with patience and gentleness. Do not forget
that He who commands us these things has done first what He demands of us
through His absolute and perfect obedience all throughout His life culminating
on the cross. Because He humbled Himself to the point of death, even death on a
cross, God exalted Him to the right hand of God. If we too identify with the
humiliation and death willingly and gladly, we will also be identified with the
glories of His resurrection.
Brothers
and sisters, won’t you trust in the goodness and love of God toward you, as
they are expressed in these commands? Would you not obey these commands, knowing
that they come from a happy God, who wants you to share in His happiness,
knowing that they come from your joyful Lord, who obeyed them on your behalf
for the joy that was set before Him, the joy He wants to share with you? Let us
obey diligently and gladly until the day when there will be no male or female,
husband or wife, but we all as brothers and sisters in the Lord, as God’s
beloved children, love God with all of our being and love our neighbors as
ourselves to the full enjoyment of the joy and happiness of the Triune God!
Amen!
© Copyright
2007 by Jeong Woo "James" Lee
All Rights
Reserved.